My Marriage Proposal
I have received many marriage proposals since beginning my research. Most of them, however, were lighthearted comments made among friends. It seems that talk of marriage is a common way to break the ice here.
“I’ll find you a nice, young Rom,” many old women offered.
There was one particular family that really opened its doors to me, so to speak. They invited me into their tent, showed me their old family photos and freely shared their stories and experiences with me. The head of the household often talked about his son and how I would be a perfect match for him. I smiled politely and tried to take the propositions in stride, as I’d always done and as I’d seen other Romani girls do.
Needless to say, I was pretty shocked when a woman I know, a gaje, said that the word around town was that I was no longer wanted in the community.
As it turned out, it was just this man who didn’t want me around anymore. He was upset by the polite but consistent refusal. He began to tell people that it was very strange that a single woman should be doing research all alone without her husband.
I wrote a letter to the community re-explaining my intentions. I gave them the opportunity to decide if they wanted the research to continue. When I delivered the letter, one man in particular told me that I was always welcome, that I had been clear in expressing my objectives and that if anyone had a problem with that, “he was an ignorant.”
Afraid that he was just telling me what he knew I wanted to hear or that he was alone in his opinion of me, I requested that the community talk it over and contact me if they would like me to continue. A few days later I received an email stating that I was very welcome in the community and that they all hoped I would continue to visit them.
So I have continued to visit them. I’ve been invited to weddings, special events, dinners and into their homes. I just steer clear of this particular family. Now that I’m married and have my own little boy, the marriage proposals are no longer forthcoming. What I have experienced in my time with the Roma of Garnachilandia has been respect for me as a researcher and as an individual.