Yay! A blog that airs my pet peeves so I don’t have to! One of my pet peeves. This one:

Peeve: Inappropriate use of the quotation mark

Culprits: Everywhere

Paired quotation marks, whether double or single, have this primary function: whatever text they bracket is a quote. Journalists use them to indicate that someone else said the exact words you’re about to read. Novelists use them to punctuate characters’ dialogue. Most English-speaking novelists, anyway; I am aware that Spanish historias use a double-dash to offset dialogue. But even in Spanish, no se les usan como émfasis.

And therein lies the problem. The moment you try using quotation marks to indicate emphasis, you set yourself up for ridicule. You really, really don’t want the thing you’re emphasizing to look like it’s been “scare-quoted” instead.

Quote marks say, “These are not my words; they are someone else’s.” Even just now. I used the quote marks to indicate not what I’m saying but rather what the quote marks themselves communicate. Which gets very meta. Sorry. But here’s the deal: Quote marks inherently distance the words from the writer. That distance can be used in many ways. When the words are admirable, quote marks indicate are how the writer gives credit where credit is due. When the words are icky, quote marks help attribute the icky sentiment to its source so that no one kill the messenger over them. In either case, quote marks indicate that one shouldn’t confuse the writer’s beliefs with those of the quoted person.

This gives rise to scare quotes, quote marks used to indicate not only that the writer is not the speaker, not only that the writer might not agree with the speaker, but that the writer actively questions the speaker’s words’ veracity.

Put it another way. You know that quote-mark gesture you use, the first two fingers of each hand making hook motions in the air, as you quote a phrase that you personally find questionable? When you do that, you’re indicating scare quotes.

Which is why The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks is so hilarious. It’s a collection of photos. Each photo features a sign:

“Please”
Keep This Door Closed

Future Site
of the
“NEW”
Boswell Hall

The “Milk”
Is In The
Refrigerator

Some well-meaning sign-makers wanted to emphasize how very much they wanted that door closed or how excited they wanted us to be about the construction project. Or they wanted to draw our eyeballs to the word “milk” so that we wouldn’t waste our time scouring the coffee dispenser island for full-dairy coffee whitener. And that’s fine and understandable. I’d want to do the same thing myself.

But unfortunately they used quotation marks to do it. So their signs became self-ridiculing devices casting suspicion on the politeness of the request, the actual novelty factor of the construction, or the genuine milkness of whatever it was they were keeping in the refrigerated condiment carafes. The very kindest interpretation is that, well, someone referred to the stuff in the fridge as “milk.” That someone may or may not have been right. If they were wrong and you end up flavoring your coffee with, say, dandelion sap or non-dairy creamer, well, don’t blame the sign-maker. The sign-maker was only ever quoting anyone.

If what you wish to do is indicate emphasis, you have many tools at your disposal: capitalization, bold-face, italics, underlines. Why in the name of baby Thoth’s first scroll do you need to misuse the poor, put-upon quotation mark? Well, if your sign ends up on this blog, don’t say I never warned you. That’s all I’m saying.