Phasing In and Out
I’ve been thinking, lately, about what immigration phase I’m in. I know I’m well past the Honeymoon Phase. I think I’m past the Rejection Phase. Could I be in the Regression Phase? I think maybe I’ve passed that one also.
When I first moved to Xalapa, I was definitely in the Honeymoon Phase. Everything was magical. Even the annoyances of everyday life were endearing or even invigorating. I was seeing Xalapa through a fresh, and at times naïve, perspective.
I remember when I began transitioning out of the Honeymoon phase and into the Rejection phase. I even remember one day, at the Veracruz airport, in the middle of a heated argument with the immigration official who was not going to let me on the plane without paying a nice sum of money, thinking to myself, “I hate Mexico.”
Those were words that I had never said, was sure I’d never say, and didn’t even admit to having thought them for some time. This phase was hard for me. The contamination turned my stomach. Things like washing my clothes by hand and having about .70 to spend on the daily meal were no longer romantic. I don’t like to admit it, but I began remembering the United States like a nice, cozy home where everything was familiar and opportunities abounded.
In time, I also passed through this phase. Now, when I walk through the streets of Xalapa, I recognize the sensations and images that first drew me in. I also see things more for what they are. I see the changes that need to be made, and have been able to successfully see past the folklore and romanticism to understand Mexico just a little bit better. I still have a lot to learn, but having found my sense of acceptance and stability here in my new home will help me to continue to learn and grow.
October 25th, 2007 at 7:24 am
Beautiful and important post. I find myself looking around mexico city on a bad day and getting really annoyed, but the idea of reminding myself how lucky i am and how beautiful everything is, is here not nearly so difficult nor ridiculous like it was back in the states.
October 26th, 2007 at 11:10 am
Hi James, Thanks for that. It’s nice to hear from someone who has felt the same thing. It can be difficult sometimes. At least we’re able to take a deep breath, put things into perspective and remember why we decided to live here in the first place.
Saludos,
Kristina