Hugging Strangers Is Not for Everyone
Last night I wandered over to my tribal belly dance class. The cold front had succeeded in keeping many people indoors. There were only three of us brave enough to endure the cold and wind and warm up dancing.
My dance instructor loves doing psychodanza exercises. That is, she loves doing therapeutic dance exercises to
warm us up. Generally, I enjoy these stress-busting activities. However, I am not the warm and fuzzy type. Outside of my close
friends and family, I’m not much of a hugger. I don’t like that “I’m ok, you’re ok” kind of stuff. But that’s me. I know there are a lot of people out there who dig it.
So when she told us to form a circle and hug one another, I cringed. I thought about running to the bathroom or filling up my
water bottle. I would’ve been too obvious, though. So I just took a deep breath and hugged these two strangers. That’s when I nearly fell into a laughing fit. I kept my cool, though. No signs of weakness here, no sir.
After the class, the instructor asked us what we thought about the hugging exercise.
“Ay, I loved it,” said one woman. “I felt like a little girl again.”
“It was great, I felt really comforted,” said the other.
“Kristina?”
“Ummm… well… I think Americans have a tendency to be a little more…”
“Cold,” said the born-again little girl.
“I wouldn’t say cold…”
“I’ve seen American mothers,” she continued, “who don’t even hug their children.”
Who don’t even hug their children? I don’t know about that…
The instructor came to my rescue. “I know a lot of Americans and there are a lot of women out there who love to hug and cuddle and are quite warm and affectionate.”
Thank you, maestra.
I guess my mistake was in trying to dodge the “I” statement and make my dislike for the activity a little more generalized. It’s not my fault I don’t like to hug strangers… I’m American. It backfired. Just as I generalized American culture to save face, my compañera also generalized American culture, and much my disappointment.
If we’re trying to get past cultural stereotypes, we need to leave behind the generalized statements and have the guts to use the “I” statement. That’s what it’s all about after all, the individual.
So here it is: I don’t like to hug strangers. Why? Because that’s how I am.
Photo: Personal Space, This place is…