On Friendly Terms
There is a wonderful woman who recently started helping me with the baby and household chores. I immediately liked her and we found plenty of things to talk about right from the get go. We recently touched on the tú and usted topic.
In Spanish, you can address people as tú (informal) or usted (formal). The uses of these two terms are actually quite complex. Sometimes people use usted to establish distance. For example, I use it when speaking with men or with people that I have no intention of making friends with. You can also use it as a form of respect. Another example: my husband has a friend who is the same age. They’ve gone out together several times and see each other frequently. They use usted because it shows mutual respect.
Normally, people who clean houses and the people who hire them use usted as well. It establishes distance and, often, a hierarchy. The other day, Mari told me not to use usted with her. I told her the same thing. She looked at me blankly for a minute and said, “So you don’t want me to use usted, señora?” She seemed reluctant and even a little confused.
“No,” I said. “In English no one uses usted so it’s actually hard for me to get used to.”
It took her all afternoon to get used to referring to me as tú. Now, though, we’ve gotten closer and have been able to establish a friendly, working relationship. It’s just one of the ways that we can begin to break down hierarchical barriers and start treating each other as equals.
